One of my biggest pet peeves is cheating. I’m not fond of cheaters on or off the basketball court. I teach my children about sportsmanship, integrity and respect for the competition. Yet, here I was cheating myself left and right. (Insert Sigh)
It took months of being home and adjusting to the uncertainty of times for me to make this realization. Parenting, homeschooling and teleworking through a pandemic definitely puts a different spin on life.
So let me “double click” here and expand on how I cheated myself. Quite often I would respond to the how are you doing questions by saying that I’m ok or that everything was good, when in fact at times it was not. Those responses were masking a host of feelings and emotions related to fear and vulnerability. My many years of playing sports taught me to be strong & tough, play through injuries & pain and not let others get in my head.
Well, let’s just say that carryover mentality was not working for me in quarantine. I needed to release my anxieties about the unknown future, the stress of parenting, the pressure of working from home, missing the physical presence of loved ones, playing basketball, family vacations, trips to the mall and eating delicious foods inside of restaurants. Holding those thoughts inside was cheating myself out of other joys and authentic conversations with real solutions.
I started opening up with my spouse and close circle of friends to let them know my challenges, stress factors and when things were not ok. The process of sharing my feelings was not easy but I took baby steps to increase my comfort level. I needed to rely on other aspects that sports taught me such as health & conditioning, practice & strengthening weaknesses and entrusting my teammates.
As the days, weeks and months go on in this pandemic I know they’ll be more hurdles to handle but at least I’m in a good space with great teammates.
Below I’ve included a few quotes that I’ve found helpful through this process.
1. I have self-doubt. I have insecurity. I have fear of failure. I have nights when I show up at the arena and I’m like, ‘My back hurts, my feet hurt, my knees hurt. I don’t have it. I just want to chill.’ We all have self-doubt. You don’t deny it, but you also don’t capitulate to it. You embrace it. –Kobe Bryant
2. “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” “Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” – Brené Brown.
3. I don’t like to lose — at anything — yet I’ve grown most not from victories, but setbacks.” –Serena Williams
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Hello and welcome to Mommy Scoreboard. It’s been several years but I remember starting my college application essay with the sentence, “You can always find me with a pen in one hand a basketball in the other.” I enjoy writing but the sport of basketball has been my ultimate joy. Fast forward and now I am the proud parent of three children, a happily married woman and an accomplished recreational basketball player. If I had to update my essay sentence it would read, “You can always find me with a pen, a basketball, a kid or two, a mobile device, a skillet, random toy part, a sippy cup, baby wipes, hand sanitizer and face masks in my hands”…WOW, have times gotten better!